I assume you've all seen it. You've heard it, I'm sure, blasted out of a mobile phone from the back of the bus, perforating your ear drum and making you want to machine gun the fuck out of everything. Yes, Bom Chicka Wah Wah really has got on my tits so much that I want to pile-drive a small child onto a concrete floor.
Actually, Lynx has been getting on my tits now for awhile - I suppose ever since I realised that every wee smicker-bop and ne'er do well generously applies it to cover the smell of teenage delinquency. In particular though, it's the way this shite is marketed and advertised that really gets me.
It's targetted at the 16-20 demographic, with adverts displaying some average looking Joe Blogs (Not, mind you, the burberry clad wankers that usually buy it) simply giving it a spray and finding himself overcome with attractive women, all scrambling for his scrawny teenage form. Ask any women you know, dear reader, what they think of Lynx. Go on. Responses range from mere indifference to outright disgust. Although it's usually disgust. These ads are a slap in the face to women everywhere (like most modern advertising) and are an insult to every mans intelligence. Here's the essence of a Lync ad: Yes, spray this. It will gain you positive female attention. No, dear boy, don't worry about engaging the young ladies in conversation or showing interest in their existence beyond that of sexual objectivity.
Buying into this does not make you a "babe-magnet" Dear Reader, it makes you a fuckin' sucker. For, what better way is there to throw hard earned cash (ok, £2.49) out the fucking window than by purchasing a body spray that simply says "I'm too young to shave or know any better.". This won't attract women, not unless you're actively looking for Pamela Rogers. But she's in jail now, so tough tittie. In fact, not only won't they attract women, but it'll highlight to the world that you're a bit of a simply numpty that likes having their mind subjected to offensive marketing schemes.
I guess it's just going to be a sad fact of the future that insipid viral marketing schemes are going to contine to irritate the fuck outta me through ring-tones, ads, etc etc. They're at their most annoying when they manage to penetrate into the mass consciousness - once normally docile sheepish types suddenly become hyper-active, walking loud speakers spewing corperate buzzwords like there's no tomorrow.
So, Dear Reader, after reading this little splurge about whats irritated me so, the next time some fucknut utters the phrase "Bom Chicka Wah Wah" at you or in your presence, simply look them in the eye and say: "Nah! Bom Chicka Dick-Head!" and walk on.
Actually, Lynx has been getting on my tits now for awhile - I suppose ever since I realised that every wee smicker-bop and ne'er do well generously applies it to cover the smell of teenage delinquency. In particular though, it's the way this shite is marketed and advertised that really gets me.
It's targetted at the 16-20 demographic, with adverts displaying some average looking Joe Blogs (Not, mind you, the burberry clad wankers that usually buy it) simply giving it a spray and finding himself overcome with attractive women, all scrambling for his scrawny teenage form. Ask any women you know, dear reader, what they think of Lynx. Go on. Responses range from mere indifference to outright disgust. Although it's usually disgust. These ads are a slap in the face to women everywhere (like most modern advertising) and are an insult to every mans intelligence. Here's the essence of a Lync ad: Yes, spray this. It will gain you positive female attention. No, dear boy, don't worry about engaging the young ladies in conversation or showing interest in their existence beyond that of sexual objectivity.
Buying into this does not make you a "babe-magnet" Dear Reader, it makes you a fuckin' sucker. For, what better way is there to throw hard earned cash (ok, £2.49) out the fucking window than by purchasing a body spray that simply says "I'm too young to shave or know any better.". This won't attract women, not unless you're actively looking for Pamela Rogers. But she's in jail now, so tough tittie. In fact, not only won't they attract women, but it'll highlight to the world that you're a bit of a simply numpty that likes having their mind subjected to offensive marketing schemes.
I guess it's just going to be a sad fact of the future that insipid viral marketing schemes are going to contine to irritate the fuck outta me through ring-tones, ads, etc etc. They're at their most annoying when they manage to penetrate into the mass consciousness - once normally docile sheepish types suddenly become hyper-active, walking loud speakers spewing corperate buzzwords like there's no tomorrow.
So, Dear Reader, after reading this little splurge about whats irritated me so, the next time some fucknut utters the phrase "Bom Chicka Wah Wah" at you or in your presence, simply look them in the eye and say: "Nah! Bom Chicka Dick-Head!" and walk on.
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